MAN OF A THOUSAND FAILURES
This story was originally published January 1st – February 5th, 2012; you can read it in Scapula Volume 2: Fear the Failure.
This story was originally published January 1st – February 5th, 2012; you can read it in Scapula Volume 2: Fear the Failure.
“Just one shot”? Scap may want to shut up the revellers, but in our neighborhood, I have the horrible urge to SHOOT BACK. It’s just after midnight now, and it sounds like a combat zone outside, with all the morons who think popping off a bunch of rounds is a great way to welcome the New Year. Operative word is “Morons.” These idiots had too few of functioning brain cells at the start of the night, and they shut down those with their alcoholic indulgences over the past few hours.
“The police,” you say? The police around this town park under overpasses as midnight approaches, because it’s okay for the rest of us to live in danger of stray bullets falling from the sky, so long as they’re safe.
Yeah, I’m not a happy camper right now. New Year’s Eve is my least favorite night of the year, and I’m not betting on getting much sleep tonight, even though I didn’t go to any parties at all.
You and me both cousin. Happy Meh Year.
I feel your pain hun. Let’s maybe just think it’s the old idea of my friend’s: If you eat a live toad first thing in the morning, nothing worse can happen to you that day.
Maybe New Years is the toad.
Very well said. They need to put that on a T-shirt.
…of course, PETA would have a fit.
So? PETA should be disbanded considering they kill more animals than anyone!
Ohhh, that’s a lousy way to start things off. But you can still be content with the fact that, while all of those idiots are painfully hungover, in jail or unexpectedly pregnant, you woke up this fine Sunday morning feeling healthy, wealthy and wise!
I remember lots of instances of cops ignoring idiots…of course, it’s only when said idiots are doing stuff to YOU. You drive a half mile over the speed limit and, BOOM, they’re there with the tickets. Razza frazzin…
…but anyway, Happy New Year!
This promises to be awesome. Tell me he’s ACTUALLY taking criminology. Please don’t disappoint me now, we’re having a real good run.
Disappoint you? Never! Why, the only way I think I would disappoint people is to have Scap win the lottery, marry a nice woman, settle down in a fine piece of real estate and serve on the PTA (oh, and PETA too!).
Okay, you’re scarin’ me hun…..
Obligatory Happy New Years.
I hope everyone had a good new years. I spent mine at a firing range for much the same reasons as Scapula here, except I had the urge to actually discharge a few hundred rounds. Actually my round counter for the night is sitting at 10246 (thank God I work for a gun company!).
In a moderately connected note, between me and eleven of my co-workers blasting off enough bullets to devastate some smaller nations, I discovered that built up firearms exhaust can give you a pretty wicked buzz!
And just now, I found out my pocket philosopher Trevie worked all night and actually got so stressed he literally blew a blood vessel. Yeah, did ANYONE enjoy new year’s without being so drunk they can’t remember how obnoxious they were?!
Still, good times….. at 5 this morning I got a new years baked orange dessert and a key lime pie from my sweet old lady neighbor, and an invite to go pound back some drinks with the rest of the appartment building tenents tonight. God, I love having a Canadian landlord, even outside of Canada!
Once again a fine example of channeling aggression properly (the gun range, not beating people up like so many of your OTHER amusing anecdotes).
Ooooh…sorry to hear about Trevie. If that’s anywhere near as painful as it sounds he must have had a really bad night (unless, of course, he blew someone else’s blood vessel, which would be a sight to behold). Hope he gets better soon.
And did you bring enough pie and booze for the rest of the class, young lady?
Of course I brought plenty!
Then I drank it, ate it, and laughed at Scapula. What more do you want?
Trevie already claims ‘okay’ status. Apparently it was painful but not bad. As for me, I DID have to beat the heck out of two guys this morning who I guess decided to spend January the first drunk stupid as well. My breasts are not public property unless you’re hot and female!
“My breasts are not public property unless you’re hot and female!”
That and your previous ‘toad’ line has me convinced you need your own line of T-shirts. See if CafePress is interested!
I might consider it, eventually. Although half my good ones are Trevie’s……. like the toad line.
Civilization and courtesy are thin veneers indeed and easily dissolved with alcohol. Excess Booze makes a person stupid and makes a stupid person dangerous.
We are responsible for our own safety and the police can only pick up the pieces after the ” excitement” is over.
Hoomi, all I can say is – ” Ear plugs and don’t sleep on the top floor.” Stay safe as you can.
Yes, yes and yes. I’m sure everyone here has a story about encountering violent drunks, whether it was strangers or someone we know. Sometimes they’re funny stories, and sometimes…well, they can be really not funny. Like, seriously not funny. Like a Scapula story…hey, wait!
I really hope all of you were able to enjoy the night without too much trouble, and if you have a story to share feel free to post it.
Speaking AS the former violent drunk, I gotta say most of them are less than amusing in hindsight.
happy new year ya’ll or as i call it hangover day
Hangover Day is a holiday the Grinch could never steal, because the all the Who’s in Whoville had the Hangover spirit inside them!
“Spirit” being used in more than one sense here.
btw why did you put that normal midle aged guy going back to school in the last panel? ow wait a sec scaps disguising skills are freaky beyond comparesment
More than meets the eye!
I tried waking my wife up with “Happy New Year! Lemme see dat ass!”
I guess that’s why I’m reading webcomics on a Sunday morning and commenting. Sigh….I have to be careful when taking your advice, Aidan.
Sounds like the next turn in the story is gonna be a good one. I like college stories. đŸ™‚
HA! Good Lordy Lord, don’t ever take romance advice from a Scapula comic (or me, for that matter). I challenge all of my readers to try and find a single encounter between Scapula and a woman in this series that didn’t end badly (if you can find one remind me, because I’ve forgotten).
I wouldn’t get your hopes up on this being a college story (I’ve already given away that “Scapula flunks”), but this will be an important lesson for ol’ Scap.
But hey, George, reading comics while sleeping on the couch can’t be all bad, right?
Come on hun, one ended with Scapula being stabbed and left for dead. From the point of view of women, that’s not bad!
Seriously, he needs my number. I’d totally bodyguard for the loser for cheap just to see how long I could keep him from betting his face murdered under my protection.
Poor Scap. He knows that there’s a huge difference between “having a warrant out for your arrest” and being “wanted.”
Dude, very well said! I wish I had thought of that.
Thanks for the laugh, seriously!
Just don’t go to art school Scap!
If he wants to waste a ton of money and be surrounded by pricks, then yeah, we’ll send him to art school (actually that would be better as a Hypnausea “flashback” storyline…hmmm….).
You never know?
I’m in artschool so I’d have to second that! I can’t wait to graduate!!!
Please oh please let Scap get a job as a campus cop..haha
Scap is incompetent…but not THAT incompetent!
I hope he’s not thinking that a degree in Modern Dance would change his supervillain fortunes… that could be very uncomfortable to watch!
What, like changing his supervillain persona to a ballet motif wouldn’t make him more threatening? Open up your horizons, Jerry!
Heist 101 is a killer.
Stupid essay questions.
đŸ™‚
He registered for the wrong class and got Heinz 101. Nothing but ketchup for a whole semester!
Out here in the Far East, the Lunar New Year is the big thing, and the Western New Year is just an excuse to go out and get wasted at UNESCO world heritage sites. Talk about a cultural experience!
This new years’ was one of the unlucky ones for me. As a permanent expatriate, I need to make an early move to avoid spending new years’ alone. Wasn’t just me though, most of the other foreign guys I did meet up with at the Jasper decided it was slow and bailed out anyway to spend it with their significant others. Dang, I guess I should make an effort not to be single for new years’ either?
No matter, Bangkok for me this Lunar New Year, babe! Yeah!
Scap in college? Keep him away from the kegs and dope. He’ll ruin the party for everyone…
Sorry to hear about being alone New Year’s, Treike; if it’s any consolation, I spent New Years Eve at my drawing desk trying to get a portfolio submission finished for a studio job, so I didn’t get to go live it up either (artists have to pay their bills, too!).
But in any event, you’re still alive, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, so maybe there will be another great night that will make up for the missed New Year’s bash. Hey, whoever said only holidays could be special?
Too true!
I just wanna know, when did fireworks become part of the New Year’s Eve tradition? Huh? ‘Cause I must have missed that announcement.
It depends on where you are, and who’s doing the fireworks (legally or otherwise). There are numerous “traditions” people celebrate when in party-mode; a lot of them range from extreme to dangerous to flat-out stupid, depending on the scenario and if there’s cops around.
Higher learning meet lowest expectation. We all know where this new year’s resolution is going to end up! Here’s to another great year of Scapula!
“ANOTHER great year? You’re assuming there’s been ANY good years in the first place! D’ooohhhh ho ho ho!”
…sorry, Statler and Waldorf ran in and typed that.
One of the majors at the UNH plymouth campus was “basket weaving” back when I was doing college. Masters In Basket Weaving, it’ll get you far! o.O … maybe Scap can learn to weave something? [grin]
…basket weaving? Huh. The only people I can think of these days who would do that are hippies and mental patients (okay, I should be more respectful towards mental patients and not lump them in the same category with hippies).
The Basket-Weaver could almost make it as a Tick villain, perhaps?
A truely psycho basket weaver would scare me a bit. Wicker is frigging sharp when you break it just right!
Not that I’ve ever stabbed anyone with it but my half brother, and the jerk deserved it.
Ow! Siblings (brothers in particular) deserve any sort of punishment, especially when they have it coming!
Never, ever, celebrate New Year with your relatives if they do in fact believe alcohol is the way to make it enjoyable.
It would even have been nice for me otherwise.
I did get a little sloshed at my family’s Christmas party…but thankfully there were others present who were even worse. That makes me feel less guilty.
Scapula -does- have a special ability, though: the ability to miraculously conceal his identity using nothing more than a pair of Groucho Glasses, even to those who’ve seen such disguises of his unveiled before.
Jemini’s cunning, intelligent and encountered Scapula’s specs-stache-shnozz combo before when working together to take down the Dugong. Yet Scap was able to use the very same disguise to get a janitorial position in her mad science company.
Heeyyyy, look who’s been paying attention! Isn’t comic continuity so much fun?
I hate dropping spoilers (but you’ve earned a treat, Reikenbach), but fans, this is the last you’ll be seeing of the ol’ Groucho glasses. Scap’s getting himself an upgrade, and it’s not by disguising himself as another of the Marx Brothers!
Will it be a terrifyingly mannequin-esque approximation of a human face with visible stitch lines and bulging eyes?
Nope. Paper bag over the head.
That first panel reminds me of that scene in Caddyshack at the end. “Hey, everybody! Let’s get laid!”
Perhaps there are other scenes I could re-enact here, such as the infamous “Baby Ruth in the swimming pool” scene…?
Ah crap, I just read the spoiler above ^ Well happy new year, Dada!! Looking forward to hearing about your contest next week!!
Please do check it out! You might win something very special…well, depending on what you regard as special. I’m not giving away love and prosperity.
Scap will fit right in at college! Every step he takes is a walk of shame… đŸ˜‰
College and shameful memories…yep, that’s a perfect match as any!
Starting to be glad I never made it into college. I was too busy learning how to gut animals and make custom leather clothing (depending if I was in NY or the middle of nowheresville). I have no shame so I’d have probably ruined the curve…..
That’s probably a much more useful skill than all of the G.E. that college students are forced to take.
I love where this is going. I guess I’m not the only one who has played with the thought of going back to school.
I’ve given it some thought, too, and the news is always reporting how so many 30+ year olds are returning to school to learn new skills to compete in the economy. Whatever works best for the the individual in question, I guess.
Just don’t take any classes that Scapula is taking.